I found out I tried to kill my brother on several occassions?
I am 23 years old. The other day I found some paper work about me from when I was a kid, around 4. Apparently I was almost committed because I tried to kill my brother several times ( drowning, strangling, and throwing him down the stairs). Also, I used to flip furniture (beds, couches, tables etc.) and tear the carpet from the floor with my bare hands (I remember bleeding from the staples). My mom told me she had to put locks on my bedroom door so I wouldn't escape and she also put locks on her and my dad's and my brother's doors so I couldn't get in because they thought I would try to kill them. After she told me this I started remembering more. I remember being in an office. I remember how I felt. It wasn't anger or hate. Thinking about it I remember being hot. I don't think an emotion made me this way. I think that's just how I was. My mother told me I was evil, real evil. She could see it in my eyes. I also had nightmares that were real to me. I would wake up screaming and it was like I was still dreaming even though I was awake because I would see the same things in my bedroom. Then all of sudden, I got better. I stopped being evil and I was the perfect child. Just for a few years I wasn't. I asked my mother what made me change and she said she didn't know. I keep thinking she's hiding something from me.
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Do you have a family doctor? I’m sure your doctor or any doctor you may get in the near future would like to have this information to attach it to any medical records you will have as time goes on. This behavior sounds like a chemical imbalance and should be taken seriously. Why this behavior wasn’t addressed back then is a mystery. If you have know recourse to finding the truth then perhaps a doctor could provide these answers for you. This also could be genetics. You have a right to know, your future could depend on this and or for your children if you should have some one day.
first off that is not a question s cant really aswer. but i am glad you changed and turned your life around.
You were not evil, you were a child. Perhaps family therapy together will help you all to piece this traumatic past together and make some sense of it.
But remember, you were a child; yes, a troubled child, but not an evil one.
I hope you get the support you need.
with love
xx